I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
