Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
