Where is the hickey?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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