no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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