Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
