wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it's like iHOP with fire
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
