Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
