no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
