Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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