direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
