omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
