Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
