STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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