It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
