youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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