Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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