It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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