So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
