so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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