My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
