the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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