....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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