I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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