no, he came in my armpit
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
