I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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