Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
