I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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