I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
