I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jerry, you need to find god
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
