So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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