look no pants
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
