plz talk dirty to me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
