I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
