why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
