THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize