At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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