Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
