His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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