my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
