dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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