When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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