Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
