so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
