How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
