Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
