Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
