He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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