More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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