i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
