Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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