i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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