I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
