I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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