Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize