just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
