matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
