That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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