My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
