I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize