I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
