accomplished twins. life is a go
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
