i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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