Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
