Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
