My sheets look like a crime scene.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
