shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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