God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize