My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
