You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
