My cat gives me a boner
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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