Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
