I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
