I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
