don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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