Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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