she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
