I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
