it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
