me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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