i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
