The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
