I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
