i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
