my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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