Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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