Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
