I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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