Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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