i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
