You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
