i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
