How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
