So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
